How Did We Get Here?

We all start out with fairytales, the hopes and illusions of living in a castle with servants who talk in rhymes, shining silver and gold utensils and a landscaped garden that complements the horizon from our bedroom window.

Then life happens. The fairytale becomes an unreasonable and ridiculous story made up to temporarily fill in the helplessness of your childhood. Too many people and events are allowed the power to manipulate our lives that who we were or thought we were totally becomes a strange and distant concept.

How the fuck did we get here?

Pain, sadness, emptiness are emotional visitors that never stop coming until it hurts and you eventually become numb. And when you thought you hit rock bottom you’ll find that your back is yet to touch the ground, that you are still falling and the sound of your screams is useless because you are too deep in between.

You find that you have been down there too long to even remember how you were before the fall. You’ll find that you are scared to express concern at what you love the most, scarier to express your feelings at whom you love the most. It’s too damn screwed up that you don’t even want to waste the time at wondering how you changed so. Why you find comfort in crashing, why melancholy is beginning to sound like home, why love has become another word in the dictionary.

The good side about falling is that you give your friends a chance to catch you. Youdon’t always want them to be there but that’s why they are called friends. They will run to you, even if you scream at them, even if they scream at you, they will always run to you.

Friends are people who love you, even if sometimes they dislike you, for the great and boring things about you even if you don’t know why. They are people who don’t expect you to be perfect and will never let you feel alone.

They will be there for you, JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT. They dwell on the good things to make up for the bad.

Friends will tell you the truth even if it crushes you more than you already are, even if you hate them for doing so because they know one of you has to do it. There is always, ALWAYS one friend who will bite the bullet, even if it hits their heart.

They will force you to bounce the blessings back, not necessarily to them, but to someone... someday... somehow.

Friends will run to you when you need them, don’t need them, and not sure you need them. They are the ones who listen to what you have to say… they sometimes wind up talking about their own woes, don’t you just love them?! But it’s their way of taking your mind off things when they have absolutely no clue what they can tell you that you don’t already know. They don’t always have the brains for you, but they always have the heart for you.

Friends will walk through hell with you, cursing and screaming at you all the while… but also making you laugh each step of the way. They will cry with you, laugh with and at you, get lost with you, be found with you, cover for you and even stay away from you.

They are the ones who will never pressure you to do or be something you aren’t made or ready to do.

They always see you in a bigger picture because they know that we are all dispensable in this vast universe and your friendship makes the spaces a little less empty. They make you smile, through their presence or their memory --- it is perfectly normal to admit you like their twisted company, sometimes cruel, sometimes dangerous but always true.

Friendship is not a throw away concept like a movie you're done with after watching it over and over. They are people who don’t change their mind about you even if they begin to see that you aren’t something you were labeled to be. They KNOW FOR SURE that the countless times you fucked up is not an estimate of who you are.

Life really becomes more bearable when you let your friends be around you.

To the people who are “these” in my life and more, thank you. The extended lunch breaks… yearly gatherings and daily planning… travels and shopping, not always in that conventional way… half a bottle of beer and a basket full of fries… forced laughter for half baked attempts at delivering jokes… a walk under late night boring sky… YMs and text messages that come in at an unneeded time… forced confessions about your love and, for crying out loud, sex life and sincere sweet wishes that come after… the sunshine even at the darkest day... the time, space and opportunity to be who I can’t be when I am around my family… and all the other things and times you were simply being a friend... THANK YOU.

You give me every right and more reason to LOVE and LIVE, EVEN if I don't know why.


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